Reflections: Breaking down Gillette’s “The Best Men Can Be” commercial
It seems the recent Gillette commercial addressing toxic masculinity has been garnering quite some controversy. Some see it as “virtue signaling”, I see it as a company using its platform to be an agent for positive change. Even if it turned out to be just for marketing purposes, I’d be ok with it because the message here is one most would agree we should all aspire to possess.
But some also seem to be arguing that Gillette is creating problems where none actually exist. Gillette is somehow mistaking “roughhousing” for fighting and bullying, “trying to get a date” for harassment, and that all men are bad by using the term “toxic masculinity” and calling for all men to step up their game in making life a better experience for everyone. So I thought I would share how I saw it and probably why I reached a different conclusion too. So here is the good, the bad, and the ugly (in reverse order) of what I saw in the Gillette commercial.
The Ugly:
Bullying & Violence: a kid with a backpack enters at 0:10 being chased by several other boys looking terrified while the others are having a good time. This boy is shown again at 1:05 still being chased, looking even more scared. The change of scenery shows he has been running for a long time. At 1:22 he is shown crying and being beaten. Perhaps the other boys thought they were “roughhousing” but it is clear that the boy was bullied (harassed and chased across town) and beaten. Those were probably good boys, but their behavior was toxic.
Bullying: At 1:13, we see the words “FREAK!” pop up on the screen. Sure, by itself calling someone a name is not bullying, but then we see “You’re such a loser.” “Everyone hates you.” and “Sissy!” as the kid is very visibly upset crying in his equally distraught mother’s arms revealing that this “teasing” is intentional, ongoing, and dehumanizing -i.e. bullying. That last one in particular, regardless of whether it came from a boy or girl further highlights the toxic masculinity the ad is trying to address, because to be called a “sissy” is to suggest one is cowardly, effeminate, non-manly. This case was one clearly of bullying and is toxic.
Sexual Harassment: At 0:20 a man dressed seemingly as a professional having just gotten home from work enters a room where his housecleaner (based on the uniform, a maid and not his wife) is cleaning. He then proceeds to grope her uninvitedly. This of course is revealed to be a TV recording scene that draws laughs from the audience (men and women alike). This was not “approaching women to try to find dates”, it was harassment and an abuse of the obvious power dynamic that exists since she works for him (either directly or via contractor). Perhaps there are a few situations where this could be funny (I really don’t know what they would be), but I am willing to wager that the overwhelming majority of situations where this does occur, the women involved are not laughing.
The Bad:
Men>Women: at 0:29 we see a board room of men and one woman who just shared her thoughts on a matter only to be undermined by the male facilitator who decided to pat her on the back to suggest “thanks, but men are talking now” and then proceeded to explain what she thought she wanted to say. No, she knows what she meant to say and didn’t need him to explain it for her. She was left visibly dejected. Perhaps she had a truly terrible or misguided idea, but any decent leader strives to empower their colleagues rather than undermine them. Poor leadership like this here is toxic. The general preclusion of women from such roles (partially due to actions like this) only adds to that toxicity.
Fighting: We also see two boys “roughhousing” at 0:33 and again later at 1:18, but in the second scene, the “roughhousing” seems to have escalated to actual fighting. But even if it hadn’t, is this “roughhousing”/play fighting really the type of behavior we want our kids to cultivate? Is that really going to help them become the best a man can get? No; unequivocally no, because in these environments it becomes too easy to lose control. That is why in nearly all combative sports (martial arts, wrestling, boxing, etc.) make it very clear that combative actions should be reserved for competition (in a controlled environment like the mat or ring) and self-defense only. Calling it roughhousing, or saying “boys will be boys” is little more than a copout for not stepping up to show boys appropriate behavior and how to grow into better men.
The Good
After hearing an overwhelming number of stories regarding the actions of despicable men, at 0:54, we hear an excerpt by Terry Crews from his statement in front of the U.S. Senate Judiciary committee, “Men need to hold other men accountable.” What followed was a series of examples of exactly that: men holding other men (and boys) accountable.
First, we see a man intervening when he saw or overheard another guy at a party harassing two women who were simply not interested in engaging with him (back to him, and finally turns with facial expression of disgust after being told to “smile sweety”) -their reasons are really not important.
This was then followed by another scene where a young man stepped up to remind his buddy that the very attractive stranger he suddenly felt the need to introduce himself to, was an actual person trying to get on about her day. Simply, whatever it was he thought he needed to tell her, not only did she not need to hear it, but he really didn’t need to tell her either.
At 1:10, the video cuts to a clip from 2017 of Ibn Abi Miller addressing a group of boys about what it really means to be a man after breaking up a fight between two of them while their friends recorded with their phones. He didn’t know the boys, but he knew what they were doing wasn’t right and that they needed guidance; so he stepped up and gave it to them.
At 1:14 we see a scene of a man instilling in his daughter “I am strong”. The power of this clip is a bit more subtle. The idea that women can not or should not be strong partly contribute to what causes the toxic environment we saw earlier in the ad during the boardroom scene. This scene also serves to empower men to be a positive force in their child’s lives.
Conclusion
This ad is an uncomfortable ad because it highlights several scenarios that many of us have probably experienced at some point, some we perpetrated and others we could have maybe just handled better. But its aim is not to criticize or blame. Rather, it is a call to step up and be empowered, and that is exactly what we should do.