Becoming a Media-Wise Family
This past Wednesday, I attended the Common Ground Speaker Series on “Best Practices for Media Wise Families”. Not only did I get to hear a great presentation from Dr. Michael Rich, but I also had the opportunity to speak with him over lunch afterward. The information he presented, ensuing discussion, and his answers to my questions were just as surprising as they were insightful. Perhaps the most alarming realization was the level of uncertainty parents are expressing regarding how to guide their children into the digital realm.
Values-based vs. Health-based dialogues
The first big take-away from this session is that we need to transition our discussion from values-based discussions (e.g. what is best/appropriate) to health-based (e.g. what is healthiest). Framing our discussions about student technology and media use in this way allows us to not only have more objective discussions, but more meaningful ones as well.
Technology and media alone simply can not be evaluated as good or bad, but how we use and interact with these tools does yield quantifiable effects on our health. For example, paralleling the prevalence of the smartphone has been the rise teachers complaining of students falling asleep or behind in class. Does this mean smartphones are bad? Perhaps on the surface, but dig a little deeper and we find this is more specific to smartphone users who have their phone next to their bed with notifications enabled, causing them to have less and/or poorer sleep.
The Need to Improve the Digital Landscape
Approaching technology and media from a health-based perspective also allows us to do something else that values-based approaches do not: control and improve the environment in which our students operate. While performance, behavior, and happiness do seem to have negative correlations with media time above a certain threshold, the causal relationship seems to lay with how it is being used more than that it is being used or how much. The revelations are in the numbers.
Internet and entertainment media are the number 1 and 2 sources of information respectively. Social media is responsible for a 21% increase in negative affect (i.e. feelings of anger, fear, anxiety, sadness, depression). 53% of teens have reported sending hurtful messages and 15% have reported initiating sexting (sending of sexually natured texts and/or images). As 72% of teens express feeling the need to respond immediately to notifications, half of them also feel the other is distracted.
Despite these alarming concerns, most teens do not tell parents for fear of losing access to what they view as their last defense. Specifically, it is their defense against not just the fear of missing out (FOMO), but the more pressing fear of being left out. Effectively, losing access to these digital platforms would be greatly analogous to an adult losing their license to drive. Cars are not necessary for a healthy life, they actually tend to make us less healthy mentally, physically, and financially; but they empower us with the feeling of control and freedom. The same is true for young people and the digital world.
Improving the Experience
While a lot of what is described above is specific to teens (children 11 -17), the necessary groundwork for ensuring a safe and healthy experience for our kids needs to be laid during childhood. In response to the many questions parents brought up at the end of the presentation, Dr. Rich’s provided different variations of the same answer: be a model for healthy media use, share the experience with your kids, talk to them about why and how you use these tools; because if you don’t, everyone else will. Here are some tips to accomplish a healthier relationship with our technology and media.
- Establish boundaries: Disable notifications. Use with intention and only as needed. Keep device put away when engaging with others (screen tilted, phone in pocket). Do not store devices in bedrooms.
- Be a model: When sending an email to a coworker or paying the electricity bill on your phone, state it out loud so your child sees it being used as a tool.
- Share the Experience: If your kid is playing a game on their device, play it with them (just be prepared to be out-scored) so you know what the game entails, establish a rapport, and are in a better place to advise your child in handling situations that may come up as they play more mature games later on.
- Guide your child: Similarly, take interest in the content your child wants to post or consume online, via text, or other platforms. Ask questions to understand, but also to guide mindful conversations (e.g. “how do you think Jenny will feel if you post that?”, “for the other people who see this but don’t know you, are they really going to know this was a joke?”).
- Disconnect and get out: Engage in prolonged physical activity. Leave devices behind while basking in the sun at the beach or a park. Travel or camp somewhere without cellular or WiFi connection.
Technology is an integral part of modern life and will continue to be so well beyond the foreseeable future. It is also a powerful tool that the sooner we embrace, the less we have to fear.
